The reason for the Season...the REAL reason...

When I lived in Iowa City there was this mall, it was a small, older mall that wasn't very busy. I liked to shop there because of that. There was a McDonald's right outside of the mall lot, and there was a homeless guy who would stand by the exit from the drive-thru with a sign. He was asking for money. One time I was Christmas shopping at the mall and after I went to McDonald's to get some food. I ordered my food, and as I drove around, I opened my window and gave it to the man with the sign. He was happy beyond words. He thanked me, God Blessed me, and I drove on my way. All this time I thought he was a guy looking for a handout, and it turned out he was a man asking for help. I felt bad...ashamed...I was wrong.

Today I was car shopping with my wife. One of the things we don't do together is share meals...sure we eat together,from our separate bags, in front of our own computers, in different rooms. So to be a better me, I thought we should spend time together eating and talking, so we decided on a late lunch. There was one other person in the diner other than us, and she was soon joined by a friend. It was pretty clear they were not as well off as we(sorry, but I try NOT to judge). He was old scruffy gentleman, with long hair and a weathered face. He wore his glasses at the end of his nose. She was a simple woman. When she spoke it sounded like she may be crying. We actually wondered if she was indeed crying. Our waitress was terse, but not unkind. The service was good. The food was okay, but we were there to sit and talk more than we were there for the food. Our waitress stopped a few times to see if we were okay, if we needed anything, but other than that, she stayed away.

The couple at the other table had finished and the woman got up to pay her bill. As she walked by I looked at her face to see if she had indeed been crying. I looked at her, and it did not look like she had, so I smiled, and she smiled back. A few minutes later the waitress came to our table and grabbed our check. We laughed because we thought we gave us the wrong one, but she told us the lady at the counter wanted to pay our bill. I was surprised....shocked. She asked if we knew her and we did not, we still do not. As she walked by we thanked her, she said "You're welcomed...it's Christmas and all." She sat down and joined her friend, we got up to leave, wished them both a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and she thanked us...THANKED US... As we left the staff was talking about it, we wished them well and left...still in awe.

People talk about how things are wrong with the Holiday, with the season...but it isn't the holiday, it is the people, it is us. The hustle and bustle and fighting over the tickle me Elmo is not a problem with the time of year, it is a problem with the people during this time of year. I always ask friends if they got everything they wanted for Christmas, then I ask if they got everything they NEED. This year I got some of the best gifts I could ever want. My best friend moved back home, I saw a friend, and her family, who I have not seen in over 10 years, and an anonymous woman, friend, bought me and my wife lunch. It was the best meal I've had in a long time...Merry Christmas indeed.

so....im really not good at this

yeah...its been a while, not that anyone has noticed, heck, i sort of forgot about this too...but I'm here to tell you that I'm back and come next week, I will be making a real effort to make this blog something good, or at least something better than it is now...sorry I've neglected this and you...but don't worry...I'm here now....

One of those nights...

I know I've written before that I DJ. Music is my passion. I can not play an instrument, well, I do play the djembe, and I think I'm ok at it, but other than beating on a goatskin, no other ability. I kind of think of myself as a music ambassador, I can and will introduce you to new music or remind you of an old gem...it is a gift.

I had a gig tonight, and it was a weird sort of thing. I was DJing for a friend of a friend's wife's daughter, his step daughter. He had heard from a few people that I was good and he wanted to hire me. I put him off for a few days, I wasn't sure he was serious, and I tend to be selective on what jobs I take. But I finally agreed, and we decided we would talk turkey, ie $$ at a later date. You see, he is business partners with a good friend of mine, so I see him a lot. From the time we agreed I would be his SpinMaster General, I was VERY available to him, his wife, the bride and the groom. I gave them all my cell number, all of my email addresses. Heck, I EVEN gave his daughter all of my info too...I mostly gave it to her due to her hotness, but still...SUPER AVAILABLE....

Nine months pass, I would text the mother of the bride every few weeks or so to see if things were progressing, because as the DJ I need some input from them. All good she tells me, and I'm pleasantly surprise. You have no idea how much easier this makes my job...well, maybe YOU do Cat, but the rest of you, no clue. But three weeks prior to the wedding, I get a frantic text, if a text can even be frantic, from the mother of the bride(MOB) telling me she needs help..she is stressed. We set up a meeting, and things go really well. We pick songs, and work through the list of things that I need. To me, the most important thing for me on THAT DAY is my contact person for the bride. It can not be the bride, too busy that day. It has to be a person I can go to and get to easily on the wedding day with any concerns and questions. My go to person at the wedding. Usually it is a sister a good friend, sometimes it is the mom. MOB tells me my "point people" that day are her, and Kelsey, who is someone I know. All my questions will be filtered through one of those 2. All decisions are to be made by them. This is a HUGE amount of responsibility. But this system works great.

Wedding day!! Raining. Pouring. Old Man. Snoring. The rain stops, and we set up at noon. All is good. Get to wedding an hour early, right on time. Ceremony is good. Drinks, dinner, speeches all go off without a hitch. Now, I must tell you I usually have another person with me when I DJ. Sometimes it is Luds, some time Anne. They will help me by getting my drinks, asking and answering questions, and sometimes running interference. This is also a very important job, at least to me. This time I am lucky to not only have Anne with me, but also my homie NY Al...he just moved here from NY and he is one of my besties. During the dinner, or right after, the MOB tells us she is no longer making decisions. She is tired and it is up to us. Cool. The typical wedding stuff happens, and then it is time to PAR-TAY!! I always ask for a list of songs they would like to here, just to get an idea of what they like, if for no other reason. So I had received maybe 50 or so songs. I also like to take requests. I want the party people to have as much fun as they can, it makes me look good...so if someone wants to hear "the thong song" by Sisqo and I have it, I am playing it.

Sometime during the night I was informed by the FOB(father of the bride) that I was straying too far from the list....whoa.... At no time was I told I could ONLY play from the list. This was alarming. But I stuck to my instructions, and played only from the list. I had to tell people that I didn't have what they wanted, per the MOB. oh, I'm sorry, but bull. shit. I told people, not on the list, cant play it. They were kind of shocked that there was even a list. But we got through the night. And we all had fun.

It was great to have NY Al with me. He helped me set up, break down, and would move my speakers in the tent, oh did I mention this was an outdoor wedding and it rained on and off all night?? He gave me great advice on how to handle this little "lack of communication" that took place this night. He supported me, as he always does, and I needed that. I was taking this personally, and it was not personal, it was business.

At one point in the night I told Anne that I thought I was done doing this. I am too old, and too good to have to put up with this bullshit. She was not happy. She said I should not quit doing something I loved so much. I told her I wasn't sure I loved it anymore. I also told her I was being a baby, but I was going to think about whether or not I was going to do this anymore...On they way home, NY-Al and I had a great talk about the night. What we did that was good, and bad. How we handled the little problem this night, and what we could have done better. We also talked about the setup and breakdown and how we could be more efficient. Finally we talked about the girls, and who they were checking out. I said me, and he said it was him...figures. He was wrong.

Tonight was not perfect. But it was fun. We were good. We left the reception, but before we left, we did two things. First we did a final sweep,to check if we left anything behind, Nope, we didn't. All good. Next we went to talk to FOB and MOB. Thanked them for the opportunity. Thanked them for thinking of us. Thanked them for the great food and drinks. We agreed to settle up the money part later, they were drunk, I think, and we were sweaty. They told us we were great. Really great. I'm not going to let this night stop me from doing this. I do need to get better, at least on the business end of things, and I will. But I am good at this, and I love it. See you at the DJ table...

A regular Thursday...

Last Thursday, a week ago today, June 9th was just another day...for most people. On January 31 of this year, Senate Bill 1716 was signed into law. This allows same sex couples in Illinois to enter into civil unions...not get married mind you(baby steps). One of the few things that is happening in this state that is good. A regular day perhaps to you, but the realization that a series of tiny, and not so tiny miracles led me to this.






So, with very little fanfare, with a small group of their closest friends and family, two of my dearest friends were able to publicly and legally be joined in marriage, yep, I'm calling it that, deal with it. It was beautiful. They were beautiful. Both were directed to this point, not by happenstance, but by notion that this was meant to be. They were meant to be. The ceremony was beautifully "officiated" by my friend Allison. How we all became the friends we are, the family we have become, was not by accident. We were all lead to this, though at the time we did not know it, by something cosmic. The band, Charming Axe was wonderful. The songs were perfect, almost as if written for that day. The vows were thoughtfully written, so funny and so touching. The guests were a combination of friends, family, and neighbors. All of us there for the same reason, to let the brides know that we are there for them, to support them as they grow together. We are part of that too, at least I like to think that we all are. I got to meet, or re-meet my Avis, it was nice to see her...

It was a combination of all of the things that in the past year I have realized that I love. Good friends, old and new, who are just good people. Music. Beautiful and thoughtful. Songs that actually mean something. Families were there, as they should be, to witness this. There was eating and dancing and laughing and happy tears. This marriage means something, it means a lot of things, some of which we don't even know or realize yet. It means something, even to people who say it doesn't.

I will keep this day with me for a long time, perhaps ever. This is something that should have been "allowed" years ago. I don't know why it wasn't. As I age, I'm starting to realize that sometimes the why's don't matter. I don't know why some people still think this is wrong, but I don't care about that. What I do care about is that now my friends are, at least legally, afforded the same rights and privileges as hetero couples. I know that two people, who love each other with all of their souls and every bit of their beings found each other, no matter what, that is a miracle.

Today was a good day....I am useful....

My post birthday hangover was in full effect. I was at work for the first time after the big day, the Monday work party and the actual birthday off. It was pretty unfun. To top it off, we are painfully slow. I'm not sure why, but no one needs drugs...who'd a thunk. But my day was like this...wake up, stay in bed too long, rush around find my work keys, get to work...blah blah blah....

I've pretty much assumed the cooking duties at my house. It's just easier that way. So i left work at 330, got home, went to tan(don't judge, i know its bad) and stopped at the store for some last minute items. My boss, whom I love, calls and asks me to bring her a few things too. No worries, all over it. But you know me, I get into the store and start talking and the next thing you know its 45 minutes later...so I finally get into my car start driving away and who do I see, my boss...coming for her stuff...I'm LATE!! We stop in the middle of the road, sorry 'bout that, and talk. Pull into the gas station, we pull in, and we just stop our cars and talk, in the middle of the driving area. After a few other cars give us dirty looks we decide to take off...she to Pizza Hut and me to home for the cooking. As I pull away, she yells to me...I have no money!! She forgot her wallet at home. Not to worry, I will pay for your pizza, you can pay me back. So she follows me to the drive thru, I pay, get out give her the food and she tells me she needs to go to McDonald's for Diet Coke, because you know, the have the best BEST Diet Coke. She needs money for that too....so I give her $2...wait..one for her husband too...another $2...and the kids...3 of them...I give her my money clip....tell her to keep it...pay me later...we laughed and laughed. I wonder what the people driving by Pizza Hut were thinking. That still makes me smile. Talk about being in the right place at the right time.

Happy Birthday....to me....

So today was...is my birthday...and it was a very normal day. I'm one of those guys who say "It's just another day" and it sort of is. Not to devalue or downplay the day, but most of the time, nothing of any great consequence happens. If you asked me what April 19th is to me, first, I'd say its my dear dear friend Allison's birthday. She is a peach and she is the best and I love her. In addition to sharing the same birthday, we share lots of other things. She is truly special. Also, a little known fact is that I got engaged on my birthday. I used to tell the story that I chose my birthday to get engaged because if she said yes, it would be the best gift I could ever get. I still, on occasion, feel that way...heehee...Lastly it's my birthday.

I'm not a big gift guy. I'm at the point in my life where if I want something, i kinda just buy it...after weeks, or months or more of research...I'm like that. So it was a day of no gifts, birthday pizza and Glee watching. Pretty awesome. I sort of realize, in my years on the planet, that everyday is kind of my birthday. I mean, and please don't think me a hippy, I'm lucky enough to be able to get out of bed on my own, go to a job I really REALLY enjoy, work with people who I love, blessed with friends who are really my extended family...I'm grateful every day for what I have and what I have not. I do know that things could be better, or worse, way worse, but what I have is good enough for me. In some ways I have too much. I have lots of good, no great friends, who keep me grounded, they(you) make me what I am. For that, for you, for them, I'm grateful.

I was surprised, heck, shocked, in awe of what I saw when I woke up today. First thing I saw was the Justin Bieber cutout that I got as a gift from the people I work with...It scared the shit out of me. I know many people would love to wake up with JB in their bedroom, but I have to tell you, it is pretty scary. I then noticed the rain. Not too great, but you know, I can deal. Then I checked my phone...56 emails...what?? No way. I clean that up before I go to bed each night...that's when I realized that it was mostly notifications from Facebook and twitter wishing me well...happy birthday wishes...throughout the day I recieved lots and lots of them. Truly blessed....I chatted with a friend who I haven't talked to for 15 or more years, but it was like we've been in touch for ever. It was just a really good, no great day.

I spent much of the day responding to the birthday wishes, I think I got them all. I thought that's the least I could do, since they all took the time to do it for me. Then I spend a glorious 57 minutes on the treadmill, then back to the last of the thank you's. So when I say I didn't get any gifts today, well, that's not entirely true. I didn't unwrap any gifts today, but the gift that I did get, well, it's just too big to put in a box and wrap up...

Here I am....

So,for a while, I've just been lying in the grass in my backyard, trying to soak up the...whatever. I've been thinking I need to be more in touch with nature, I'm not sure why or even what that means, but I still feel that way. I so I will randomly do that,sit outside, in the rain, in the dark, listen to the world. I really don't know what I am listening for, or what I am hearing, but I like it. I resolved to spend more time barefoot...I know, super lame. And yes, I also know that will wreak havoc with my new affinity for pedicures...don't judge(for that I blame Paige). No, I'm not a hippy, at least I don't think so.

Today. In the grass. With a cup of coffee. I can feel nature. A lady bug crawls over my Iphone, unimpressed. I tell him, "it's an iPhone 4 you know" but I'm not sure he even heard me. It worked well as a bridge for him. At that point in time, at that place in the universe, that is where I was supposed to be.