It's beginning to look alot like Christmas....in July??

The Sears WishBook....that's what it was called...well i assume that's what it is still called. I remember being a kid, and waiting patiently, well if my mom was still here, she would probably tell you it wasn't so patiently, but you know...i tried my best....a week or so before you could go to Sears to pick it up, you'd get a postcard telling you that one was reserved for you(SCORE!!) at the local store and you could pick it up after a certain date. Now i was not wise to the ways of the world back then, and maybe I'm still not right now, but i thought that we were actually CHOSEN to get the catalog, i thought it was a product of my being a good little boy all year....haha...like if that was the case, I'm sure id have no clue what that book was....so if memory serves, you could pick it up on a Saturday, and according to my dad, it was not able to be picked up until after church. that made sense to me, but like i said before, I wasn't as smart back then... So we would go to church, 430pm, i think it was the only time i actually looked forward to it as a child...then dad would drive, super slow it seemed, to Sears, and we would all wait in the car as mom would go in, and get the catalog....It was very exciting...before church i would be sure she didn't forget the post card, i mean without it, we wouldn't be able to get it....right?? so wed get the catalog and until Christmas, i would mark the stuff i wanted, check the pages, make a list with the page number and all that good stuff...and i would remind mom, don't forget to look at the list...the page numbers are there and everything...
that would happen every year, and even though we were not rich, i would get at least 1 thing from the catalog and it was a good year...a good Christmas...
even as i got older, i always liked, no loved Christmas. as i aged, it was for different reasons, it was for family, and it was always mom's fave time.... she was in her glory, giving gifts, and cooking and baking....she loved it...but then she died, and it was different. she passed away in November, and it was a really strange and hard holiday....thanksgiving...what do i have to be thankful for?? i was super bitter,mad, sad, worried about my pop. it was hard for him, really hard for him....for all of us, but mostly him. we would always get together on Christmas eve, as long as i could remember, at my grams house, then after she died, it would be at my folks house or uncle's...then when the kids(me included) were grown it would rotate to a different house, but it would always be Christmas eve night. the first Christmas without mom was at my house and the thing is we finished the basement just before. we started before mom died and she didn't want to see it until it was all done and the thing is, she never saw it, she died before it was finished. so that was sucky too...but anyways....
as time went on, our family Christmas eve changed....at first it was moved to an earlier time, then it was not even on Christmas eve anymore...it was a few weeks before or maybe even after....so it changed from a great family celebration to what i refer to as a "drive thru" Christmas...we would meet on a Saturday after noon, at maybe at 1 pm and be done by 3pm and home by 5pm...i got the feeling like why bother....this past year, some ppl didn't even show up, they were too busy...wow...it doesn't mean the same to them as it did to me that's for sure...
If you know me, at all, you know that i hold my friends close to my heart, they are very dear to me, and in some ways closer than my family. truth be told, i actually consider them my family too, but i don't want to say i love them more or better, but i think maybe i do...is that bad? the reason i told you that, is this, yesterday i spent the day with 2 of the newest members of my family. we met for brunch, drank too many bloody marys(with beers back, right S?), TRIED to take a nap and failed, met some great friends at a concert and shared the night and food and drinks and music with them...there were 5 of us, 2 couples and me, and i never felt like the 5th wheel....or i guess spare tire, right?? it was really hot and humid, it was super uncomfortable, and it was the best day ive had in a long time. at one point after we left our friends, the 3 of us just laughed and laughed in the car until our stomachs hurt. we talked about stuff, lots of stuff, the future, late nite trips to the pharmacy, a friend who we miss so much, what our next week has in store, when can we sneak our next diet coke, music, and so much more. we made plans....for us, for our friend, for our future, for our next adventure. then the night ended, and i was driving, and sadly texting, sorry, i know how you hate that, and i thought about Christmas....more specifically, Christmas eve, and i thought, i know what i want to do. i spent the day with the ppl i want to spend holidays with...i know, super presumptuous, like what if they don't want to spend it with me, or what if they have plans?? they have families too you know...yeah i know...but....maybe, just maybe....
so when Christmas comes again this year, ill think of my mom, and smile, and i think of the "toy book" as i called it and smile, and i may even take a look through the catalog, and look for something i want....you know what, i don't need to, i already got what i want...

the human note pad....or the word of the day....

maybe if you know me, you will notice a few things about me....well, maybe you'd notice a lot of things about me, but for the purpose of this blog i'll mention a few. if you are in my car or house, you will always find a bottle (or 4) or purell or other alcohol based sanitizer. why?? well, partly cuz im sorta freaky about germs and sorta for another reason. you will always find a pen on me or near me(in the car, etc) on the days that i work....more on that later, and finally, you will always see me wearing a long sleeved shirt at work. on the hottest of days, i will have on a long sleeved dress shirt at work all the time. i like the classic look that a pressed long sleeved shirt has, i will have the sleeves cuffed up, rolled 2 times, and thats it. the shirt will hit me close to my wrist at the forearm.

that being said, im not a note kind of guy. i always thought it was a sure sign of aging. writing notes to yourself?? come on, i can totally remember all that stuff....im not old....well....you know, things change. even so, i still cant write myself a post it and stick it in my pocket for later. so what ive been doing for a few years now is writing myself notes, but on my person, usually on the left hand/wrist/fore arm area. see pic...today i needed to remember that there was a sale, and i needed waffles, a priority mail box, and to drop off some drugs on the way home. simple, as i get them done i cross them off(thats why i need a pen) and after they are all done i "erase" them with the purell(it works great for that!) so if you see me at work or after work often you will see some writing on me, and to me, thats better than a note in my pocket getting lost in a sea of receipts, dollar bills(only singles, as i dont carry cash) notes about work and a whole lot of other junk.

i mentioned i wear long sleeves all the time. the people who i work with ask me if im hot, i always say no, even though i am. so just wear short sleeves. i cant. im not disfigured, well i guess thats up for debate, but i have this thing i do. it all started after my mom died a few years ago. i went through a lot of stuff, and honestly, it wasnt fun, but thats a blog for another day...but the thing is this, the reason i cant wear short sleeves, other than the fact i think its a fashion no-no is that in addition to the notes i write on my hands/wrist daily, to remind me, i also write something further up on my forearm, always covered by my shirt, for just me to see...sometimes its just a word, sometimes its a small saying or a line from a song, or sometimes its a name. for a long time it was my mom's name or initials, JLD, so i wouldnt forget her. i know it sounds silly, how can someone forget their mom, even after she has died. i dont know how, but i started to, so i put her initials there and would on occasion look at them. it would remind me of the good stuff that she did and the great person she was. lately, its been the name of a friend, who in my opinion, just needed a break or two. i would look at the name and send some postivity to the owner of that name, and things have been going great, so i think its working...
today the word for me was "remember" pretty vague i know. im the kind of guy who needs to be reminded alot, so this word, esp today, reminded me to remember stuff. what stuff you wonder...well...remember my mom, its been a while, and i miss her. remember my job, not just the job that pays me, but my job as a person, a human being. remember to be grateful for my family and friends.

here is the thing, in the past few months i've made a few really great friends, and i've ended some really long freindships, they were too toxic to me as a person. i have to remember how blessed i am for my new freinds, and i have to remember why im no longer friends with my past friends. its too easy to take new friends for granted and take old(bad) friends back because you have a lot of time invested in the friendship.

i always have the word of the day on my left arm, partly cuz im right handed and its easier to write it that way, and partly because i think its closer to my heart, and the word i write is usually something i know in my heart, so i want it to be close. this word, up until today, no one has ever seen it other than me. it would be gone in the car on the way home, removing it was always a trick when the weather is below zero and im bundled up with layers and layers, but i always told myself, this is just for me to see, and no one else, so i had to have it gone before i was around other people. the word of my day, well, its always been for me, just me. until now, i didnt think anyone would really even get it, so i kept it hidden away. but now i have a few friends who i KNOW will get and i want to say thanks for letting me share it with you.

my friends....

are happy, and so am i.
the older i get the more i learn about whats important, and this, its the MOST important.
things arent always great, but they are also not always hard either...and here is the proof.
sometimes things are perfect, and thats something to smile about....for all of us.