It's beginning to look alot like Christmas....in July??

The Sears WishBook....that's what it was called...well i assume that's what it is still called. I remember being a kid, and waiting patiently, well if my mom was still here, she would probably tell you it wasn't so patiently, but you know...i tried my best....a week or so before you could go to Sears to pick it up, you'd get a postcard telling you that one was reserved for you(SCORE!!) at the local store and you could pick it up after a certain date. Now i was not wise to the ways of the world back then, and maybe I'm still not right now, but i thought that we were actually CHOSEN to get the catalog, i thought it was a product of my being a good little boy all year....haha...like if that was the case, I'm sure id have no clue what that book was....so if memory serves, you could pick it up on a Saturday, and according to my dad, it was not able to be picked up until after church. that made sense to me, but like i said before, I wasn't as smart back then... So we would go to church, 430pm, i think it was the only time i actually looked forward to it as a child...then dad would drive, super slow it seemed, to Sears, and we would all wait in the car as mom would go in, and get the catalog....It was very exciting...before church i would be sure she didn't forget the post card, i mean without it, we wouldn't be able to get it....right?? so wed get the catalog and until Christmas, i would mark the stuff i wanted, check the pages, make a list with the page number and all that good stuff...and i would remind mom, don't forget to look at the list...the page numbers are there and everything...
that would happen every year, and even though we were not rich, i would get at least 1 thing from the catalog and it was a good year...a good Christmas...
even as i got older, i always liked, no loved Christmas. as i aged, it was for different reasons, it was for family, and it was always mom's fave time.... she was in her glory, giving gifts, and cooking and baking....she loved it...but then she died, and it was different. she passed away in November, and it was a really strange and hard holiday....thanksgiving...what do i have to be thankful for?? i was super bitter,mad, sad, worried about my pop. it was hard for him, really hard for him....for all of us, but mostly him. we would always get together on Christmas eve, as long as i could remember, at my grams house, then after she died, it would be at my folks house or uncle's...then when the kids(me included) were grown it would rotate to a different house, but it would always be Christmas eve night. the first Christmas without mom was at my house and the thing is we finished the basement just before. we started before mom died and she didn't want to see it until it was all done and the thing is, she never saw it, she died before it was finished. so that was sucky too...but anyways....
as time went on, our family Christmas eve changed....at first it was moved to an earlier time, then it was not even on Christmas eve anymore...it was a few weeks before or maybe even after....so it changed from a great family celebration to what i refer to as a "drive thru" Christmas...we would meet on a Saturday after noon, at maybe at 1 pm and be done by 3pm and home by 5pm...i got the feeling like why bother....this past year, some ppl didn't even show up, they were too busy...wow...it doesn't mean the same to them as it did to me that's for sure...
If you know me, at all, you know that i hold my friends close to my heart, they are very dear to me, and in some ways closer than my family. truth be told, i actually consider them my family too, but i don't want to say i love them more or better, but i think maybe i do...is that bad? the reason i told you that, is this, yesterday i spent the day with 2 of the newest members of my family. we met for brunch, drank too many bloody marys(with beers back, right S?), TRIED to take a nap and failed, met some great friends at a concert and shared the night and food and drinks and music with them...there were 5 of us, 2 couples and me, and i never felt like the 5th wheel....or i guess spare tire, right?? it was really hot and humid, it was super uncomfortable, and it was the best day ive had in a long time. at one point after we left our friends, the 3 of us just laughed and laughed in the car until our stomachs hurt. we talked about stuff, lots of stuff, the future, late nite trips to the pharmacy, a friend who we miss so much, what our next week has in store, when can we sneak our next diet coke, music, and so much more. we made plans....for us, for our friend, for our future, for our next adventure. then the night ended, and i was driving, and sadly texting, sorry, i know how you hate that, and i thought about Christmas....more specifically, Christmas eve, and i thought, i know what i want to do. i spent the day with the ppl i want to spend holidays with...i know, super presumptuous, like what if they don't want to spend it with me, or what if they have plans?? they have families too you know...yeah i know...but....maybe, just maybe....
so when Christmas comes again this year, ill think of my mom, and smile, and i think of the "toy book" as i called it and smile, and i may even take a look through the catalog, and look for something i want....you know what, i don't need to, i already got what i want...