Wear your heart on your....thumb?? or how I realized I'm blessed...

If I look at my thumb today, nearly a week later, I can still see the ever so faint big ass smiley face on my thumb nail. Well, ok, I can't really see it...its been a week, but honestly, i can still kinda see it. On Monday I was lucky, so lucky, to host a house concert. The 2 singers that came to my house to play were Alexa Wilkinson and Lelia Broussard....MY HOUSE DUDE!!! I was sorta on my own, it was the roomies first day back to school, so she wasnt able to be there that day to help. No worries though, we spent alot of Sunday doing the stuff you must do to prepare for a house concert, which as it turns out is alot of the stuff you do anyways....cleaning up and stuff like that. It was a potluck, I was providing pulled pork(delish, thanks E) and hotdogs, and drinks. I spent the day monday, cleaning and getting the food ready. I was pretty nervous. I had to provide a certain amount of money for the girls and I wasn't sure I'd get enough people here to cover that cost. And honestly i wasn't sure my friends would be appropriate to the artists. I was sure some of them would, but a few, I was worried about. I was also worried that I would not be a good enough host to the artists...yeah, I know.

Fast-forward to that night, the roomie was late, my besties had to drop off the kids and it was starting to get to me. I called Dave, he showed fast, I relaxed a little. That was good. Then my friends started to show, and then the girls showed up and I was in host mode. I have to say, I'm not good at that, at being a host. I went out to help the girls carry in the instruments and introduce myself(see the host obligations). We talked, they were very nice. They had a hotel in Rockford that night, a show in Indy the next day...I know, i don't get it either, so I told them they were welcomed to stay here. Also, I'm not sure how it came up, but I also offered the use of my washer and dryer. They seemed very VERY excited about that, washer and dryer, who woulda thunk, but I guess that's life on the road.

So, I had asked Dave to be the money man. To pay the singers, I was charging $10. That's a deal, I mean, think about if you are going to a concert, how much you'd pay. Not to mention i had the food, and the drinks. All I was asking was $10 and a dish to share. Pretty fair, more than fair I had been told. But, Dave was collecting the money for me, so I could do host stuff. He is good at that stuff, and good for me, good to me. When it was time for the music to start, Dave was the one who got everyone, except a few, to shut up. (S took care of the rest of the talkers).

The music started and I was a ball of nerves again. I was pacing and it wasn't good. As the first song ended, I was out of the room, beer fridge, and I heard something...something that made my heart swell. My friends clapped and cheered so loud!! the funny thing is that i was worried, so worried about that. My friends didn't disappoint. It was like that all night long. Cheering and clapping, i was touched. Lelia and Alexa were touched. I mean I think i was the only person there who was familiar with their work. But my friends clapped after each and every song as if it was their favorite song.

The night went on, the show ended. Most of the people left, and the ones who I had hoped would stay stayed and we all hung out. We ate food(still lots of hotdogs left) drank beer and whiskey and talked and talked. They learned about us, we learned about them,. E and I were drawing our emotions on our thumbs, and a few others joined in. We took our picture, and ill never forget.

The night was great, and I learned things. Things I won't share here, but in the generally speaking, the thing I walked away with was this. I am leading a blessed life. I am blessed with friends(family) who collect money for me, cheer loud when i need them to, pay more than i ask, support the high school band, support me, tell talkers to be quiet, respect me and my guests. They show me they care about me in ways I can't describe, but I will try. Thank you for coming to my party(on a Monday night), thanks for being a great audience to Lelia and Alexa, thanks for hugging me when you left, thanks for putting your arm around me when i looked stressed, thanks for driving far(in construction), thanks for drinking my beer, eating my food, holding my hand. I really wanted a few people to be there, and they were, and they sometimes read this, you know who you are, and thanks for being there....but you're always there...thanks for that too.

After the show, after the clean up, after the morning after, after Alexa and Lelia left, after the dust settled I sent an email to say thanks, and I heard back with an email thanking me...it was funny, but I thought why thank me. I felt great for a few days, riding the wave of an awesome night. I thought what was different about me, nothing really, then I realized, it wasn't what I got from that night that raised me up, it's what I always had, I just finally realized I had it.

Family Vacation....

Summer is coming to a screeching halt, and most family vacations are over, school is getting back in session(not for me tho) and that means things are back to normal...for most of us. I have no one in school and I really don't get a summer vacation. I guess that means I'm an adult...insert your own adult joke here.....

Growing up, we were sorta poor, not living in squallier but we sometimes depended on other people to get us groceries and stuff like that. it was always fun to play "dodge the collection agency" when they called, this was pre- caller ID you see. But I have to say we didn't have lots, but we had just enough, thanks to the kindness of other people on occasion.

My grandparents, lived in Wisconsin, way up north, and since we didn't have a lot of money, that was our yearly vacation destination. It was free, other than the cost of gas, and we didn't really have to pay for anything. They lived in a house in the woods. A short walk from a beach on Lake Michigan, and surrounded by nature. We spent our days chasing and catching frogs, helping grandpa, and i use that term loosely, in the garage, and in the yard, baking and cooking with grandma, and fishing and boating. It was really a great time, and at the time i knew it, and now that I'm older i REALLY know it...

One of the best, yes best, parts of the adventure, was the trip there. My pop worked midnights, so sometimes we would leave in the middle of the night. it was always a treat to do that. it was good for him, since we all slept on the way up there. but leaving in the middle of the night, packing the car in the dark always made me feel like i was doing something i shouldn't be. like we were fugitives, living that glamorous life. It was about 8 hours away, and if we left in the night, we slept and pop smoked the whole way up there, listening to AM radio.

You see, to make a trip that long there had to be preparations made. That usually entailed going to the Ben Franklin and buying comic books. That would be used to entertain me and my brother and sister for the long ride north. Also we would have to pack a bunch of food and snacks. dry roasted peanuts, hard candy, rice krispy treats...not alot of chocolate, since it would melt(no AC in the car). We would sometimes fill a cooler with pop and fried chicken and stop on the way up there for a little picnic. I never liked fried chicken, but I always liked the picnic. We would eat and then play Frisbee and stuff like that.

On the day of the trip, we would all pack into the car, mom, pop, and the dog, Windy in the front, and my brother, sister and i in the back. it was cramped, hot and we fought. but it was fun. The great thing about the trip was that my sister didnt like being touched, at all. So we would smash into the car, without AC, and drive windows down in the Midwest heat and humidity trying to NOT touch my sister. But you know, it would happen, our legs would touch, she would punch me, our arms would touch, she would punch me....rinse and repeat....this would happen over and over. The comic books were actually dual purpose, she would use them to "protect" herself from the touching. Imagine if you would, 90 + degrees, 90 + humidity with comic books pressed to and sticking to your legs. My sister would rather have that dumb comic book stick to her than be touched my me...it was truly truly funny. I honestly dont know how my parents put up with us.

We would finally arrive there and then the fun would start. We would spend 1 or 2 glorious weeks in the Wisconsin woods doing all the stuff we could do at home, but just didn't. It was the best. We acutally spent time with the family and laughed all the time. We played games, made up characters made up stories. I think this is were I learned the importance of family, the place where I started to understand.

After I was married and was in college, my grandparents moved and tried to sell the property. It was on the market for a long time. It was finally sold, and I felt like a family member had died sorta. I would never be able to go there, well at least not in the capacity that i had in the past. The people who bought it said we could visit, the actually said they would like to meet us and hear our stories. My folks went up, but no one else. It would not have been the same, and i wanted to keep that part the same, forever.

After the vacation was over, we were ready to go home, there is no place like home you know. so we packed up the car again, and had a bag of NEW snacks for the ride home. We were instructed to not open the bag for 30 minutes. we drove out of the woods, back to civilization, and after about 5 minutes asked pop....has it been 30 minutes yet?? No, not yet....5 minutes later, has it been 3o minutes yet?? no, still not....3 minutes later....30 minutes?? NO....2 minutes later...30 minutes yet..... long pause.....yes...it has been 30 minutes....no wonder why time goes so fast now...

Why I Love Night Baseball....A blog for my father...

Growing up, my Pop worked midnights, or the over-night shift. That meant a few things for me at my house growing up. Since he worked at night, he got home in the morning. in the summer when we were not in school, that meant being quiet during the day. Pops would sleep while us and the rest of the world...eeerrr....house at least was up and awake. This was not a big deal, because as kids, we would be outside playing baseball, wiffleball, or any sports of all sorts. If we were not outside playing we were sitting in front of the TV watching the Cubs.

During the summer, we didn't really have a set bedtime, but when it got closer to the time of the year when school would start, we would have to go to bed at an earlier time....a more "normal, school night " time.
We didn't have AC growing up, we didn't have a lot of things...we had all we needed and some of what we wanted. Since there was no AC, we had window fans. My bedroom shared a wall with my folks room, which means that we had windows very close to each other. Since Pop worked nights, he would get up shortly after we went to bed. As he was getting ready for work, he would have on the radio, WGN to be precise, and in the summer, when the Cubs would be on the west coast, the games would be on as he was getting ready for work. His window would be opened, my window would be opened, and we would listen to the games.....together, but not really.

As I got older, I still loved to listen to the west coast games at night, in my bedroom with my windows opened. It was sometimes hot, sometimes humid, but always a good time. I don't remember if the Cubs won or not, but it didn't really matter. It was always a good game, a good time. It was something that made me think of my pops.

A few years ago my Mom got sick and was in the hospital in Peoria for a while. Whenever I had a chance, Id go there and usually drive back when it was night time and listening to the Cubs games helped me get through those hard times.

Even now, I will on occasion, go to my pops to watch a night game. If i don't watch the the game, I will without fail, have the cubs game on my radio, with the windows opened, listening, and remembering.....and smiling.

Gimme a beat!!

I love music....all kinds of music....its my passion. I don't really play an instrument, not that I haven't tried though. I played the guitar in the 7th grade and I was OK, not great, but good. I was too cool, thought if I got a good guitar, it would play itself. I was too cool to practice...So I was marginal at best, and then it just kinda fell by the wayside...

But that didn't stop my love for music. I would sign up for Columbia House and BMG music clubs, multiple times. I would use different names, get my 13 cassettes for a penny, then quit and then rejoin. It was not really the way it was supposed to be done, but it would feed my new music jones.

So after alot of soul searching, and playing various "air instruments" I thought I was best at the drums, the air drums. I was killer on the steering wheel drum. I'd drum on my steering wheel, and I would even use the little tree air freshener as a cymbal, I was hardcore. Once while shopping with my girlfriend at the time, she went in and I stayed in the car. I was listening a tape, and I was drumming along to the song(if it matters, it was More than This by Roxy Music, still a good tune, it stands up) and in front of the GF in line was a mom and daughter, in her 20's, and the daughter pointed out to the mom, look at that guy out there, he's cute. That made me and the GF smile. But to be honest, I was a little disappointed she didn't notice just how good I was, but I'll take cute anytime....ANYTIME.

Fast Forward to now a days....I'm watching the movie The Visitor. It's a good film...sad and happy at the same time, but part of the plot, and I wont give too much away, is one of the characters plays a djembe(pronounced 'JEM-bay'). That is an African hand drum. It catches my attention. I think I want to play that drum. So I do a little research and I find out that there is a dude, in the town I live, the middle of freakin' no where who teaches this drum. Someone in my town teaches djembe. What are the chances?? So I make a call, or 2 and get set up for lessons. Cool, Im pumped. $15 for 30 minutes, not too steep.


I go to my first lesson. I discover a problem. I don't own a djembe, or any kind of drum for that matter. That's not really good, but as it turns out, it's not a problem. You see, my new teacher has some for sale and will let me use one for a while. Wow, it seems the universe WANTS me to play the djembe too. My new teacher asks me if I have any experience with music. I tell him about the guitar. Good he says, so you can read music?? Yeah, sorta, I say. He then asks, any drumming experience. Sooooooooo, I think, do I tell him about my mad skills at "air drumming"? I think better and that's a good thing. So we get into things and the 1/2 hour goes by so fast. After that first lesson, its clear to me, I suck. And it's clear to my teacher I suck too. He is nice about it at least, and my fragile psyche is grateful he is gentle about it.

A few more weeks and a few more lessons, and I'm still sucking...hard. I thought, just like I thought about the guitar, this would be easy-ish. I mean, I'm a decent dancer, I have rhythm, and I'm crazy good at the "air drums" and I'm decent, no, I'm good at Rock Band drums on the Xbox, don't worry, I didn't tell my teacher that either....I'm starting to get discouraged. So I'm into this for a few weeks, a month or 2 maybe, and I try different drums, as if THAT'S the reason I'm so bad. Then, I try a new drum, its bigger, and taller, and I love it. I think I play better, but my teacher is still not too impressed, but as usual, he is very kind to me.

So, then I'm starting to think, this isn't for me, Im not good, no, I'm bad at this, and its just costing me money and money, and I'm not getting any better. I start to avoid my lesson, cancel, via answering machine, weak, I know. Then my teacher is sick, cancel, sweet! He has a death in the family, another missed lesson, and I feel ok about it. I decide that I need to consider quitting, just consider it. I like to drum. I drum at home along with music, I think I'm Ok at it. But the lessons, I'm holding my hands wrong, I'm not striking the head correctly. I'm using the wrong hands for the notes... It's alot harder than I thought it would be, and I'm not one of those guys who bail when things get hard, I'm not, but now, this time, I'm thinking about it. My hands just cant do it, I cant do it.

Today, lesson, can't get out of it. I go. We talk a little, and it's ok. I don't remember all the rhythms by name, but after he plays it, I pick up quickly. Today we try something different. I play the rhythm, and he fills in, or plays the second part, or plays the solo. In the past we would just play the same thing because it's easier, you don't get distracted by someone playing a different part. But today, for me, it's different. I play my part, and he plays his part, and it is AWESOME. For the first time, since I started lessons, I feel like I can call myself a drummer. It's great, I have fun, and it's like WOW! It's not perfect, but its like we are really, finally, playing together, and it sounds good!

Lesson over, and my teacher tells me, for the first time, good job. He says that sounded good today. I'm stoked!! I had the hugest grin on my face. I was like a little kid...I walk out of my lesson and I feel happy. Such a little thing, but it made my day, my week(check back later to see). I realized today what I need to do to get my hands to do what they are supposed to do. I need to not play with my head, not with my hands, but with my heart.

15,000 and counting....

Unlimited....Thats what i signed up for, unlimited texting and....AND unlimited data. On my cell phone plan i have multiple phones, multiple users and I didn't want to be one of those people who end up on Dr. Phil with a $5600 cell phone bill saying "I don't know how this happened??"

I have an iphone, Iphone 4 to be exact, thank you very much. I'm not a fancy boy by any means, well....maybe I am, but anyways...but this is my 3rd such phone, and i love them more and more...I started with the 2G, then 3Gs, and now 4. Just a little history lesson for you.

One day, I come home from work and I'm informed by "the accountant" that the new paperless cell phone bill arrived in my inbox. OK, that's good. IN ADDITION to that nugget of information, I'm also asked "do you know how many text messages you sent last month??" Oh boy, here we go again, pack the bags, we're going on a guilt trip. No, I sure don't, but I bet you do is my reply. "Yes, I do", I'm told, "do you want to know??" Not really I say. Well, guess what, I get to find out anyway. Before I am allowed to know, I ask, "did my texting make the bill go up?", it didn't by the way, you see, I'm UNLIMITED!!

15,000 + text messages....now my first impulse is no fucking way... I couldn't have. But, then after I think about it, it sending and RECEIVING, I come to the conclusion that its totally possible. In addition to the sheer number of texts, I was informed that if i was awake for 18 hours a day, that would equal to 1 text message every 2 minutes....Can I break that down for you please?? Thank you...that's means I would be awake for 18 hours, asleep for 6.....this is where it starts to break down....because I usually only sleep for 5 HOURS~~~ HA!! So if you RE-Do the math, its really not that bad...and then I think, I really need to up my game...

So the real question is this, why do I even need to know this information?? It has no impact on my life, well, I mean financially it doesn't, since I'm unlimited. And so now its like only one text sent or received every 2 minutes, even less impressive...sorta embarrassing.

They say, the experts that is, the first step is to admit you have a problem. I could justify my texting by saying that I'm just trying to get the most out of my money....take advantage of my UNLIMITED plan. Or maybe, maybe someone hacked my Iphone, and hijacked it and sent free texts...FREE on my phone....nah, nice try tho...or maybe someone sneaks into my house, tip-toes to the bedroom in the 5 or so hours I sleep at night, sneaks back OUT with my phone, and makes crazy unlimited texts from my phone, my actual phone, while I soundly sleep, dreaming of sugar plumbs and all that shit....now I feel violated!! But but, we all know that's not the case either. Here's the thing, most people don't like to admit when they have a problem, but not me, Ill admit when I have a problem, its not easy, but hey, I'll still do it....so here goes.... Hi, my name is Kevin, (you all say HI KEVIN) and I have a problem. Want to know what my problem is?? I sent/received 15,000 + texts last month, and after I break it down, its not cool, its actually embarrassing....EMBARRASSINGLY LOW!!!

IT'S ON AT&T, I AM GONNA RIDE YOU AROUND THE CELL NETWORK LIKE A CIRCUS SHOW PONY!!! SO GET READY TO DANCE!!!

just cuz i love my job...or something...

So, im off work, haning out at my other home, after a day of grass cutting beer drinking and general hanging out. i get a call from the boss, i dont answer of course. dude, its my day off....so then he calls back...uuugghhh....this is usually an indication of trouble, computer or otherwise, so i reluctantly answer...small talk, blah blah blah....and the question, finally...what do i know about ipads.....hhhuuuuhhhh??? my interest is peaked...in my head i think....best invention ever perhaps, i want one, i would marry one if it was legal....oh....that's not what you were asking....do i know where to get one?? for your daughters graduation, yes...i can find you one, no worries...you're in Iowa....geezz....is this some kind of test?? i hang up make a phone call, and i find one. call him back, he is happy, and wants me to help him set it up...sure....ok....i mean...ummm....yes...im all over it!
so then after a hard day of drug selling, i jump in the convertible, and drive over to his house...its hot, i have the top down, and the tunes cranked, it was jason mraz if that matters. im on the way over there with the work uniform on, shirt, tie, all that stuff, my point, i think i look pretty ok...and sunglasses....not those big Kanye West ones, but an old pair of RayBans, yep, its true what they say, that everything comes back into fashion, had those from back in the day.... anyways, looking good-check, feeling good -check, going to play with an ipad-check...its a good day....
so, stop sign, and then i take off, and as im driving im looking around and i see a young, attractive lady in a jeep look at me and smile....i nod thinking, i still got it, which makes me laugh, cuz im not sure i ever "had it" and if i did it was surely something you could cure with a few doses of penicillin....but she smiles i smile eye contact and its cool....get to the bosses house and im stoked...im going to spend a few hours with a new friend, the ipad...gonna set it up and stuff....ive been waiting to get my hands on an ipad for a while now....so i get there and its a cookout....what?? dude....i get introduced to ppl and im thinking, get out of my way please, im on the hunt for an ipad friends...yeah yeah, nice to meet you too and all that stuff....there it is....i sit down, and get to work....and its great....im trying to find a way that i can leave, take it with me....its beautiful....i want to hug it, never let it go....its like a huge super sized version of my iphone, and you know how i feel about Gidget....i have my head buried in the ipad....and the boss says, hey i want you to meet my daughter, and im thinking unless she has a 9.7-inch (diagonal) LED-backlit glossy widescreen Multi-Touch display with IPS technology then i dont really want to meet ya....but if im anything, its polite, so i stand up, stick out my hand say nice to meet ya, and i look up, and wouldnt ya know it, its the girl from the jeep earlier...we look at each other again and as the boss introduces us i say, hey, its you, and she says yeah, we smile again, and my boss says to his daughter, you know each other, and she says yeah dad, he asks how, and she says, dad, be quiet. it was pretty funny, and honestly a little uncomfortable...but that passed fast....a few hours later, im done, and i go, and she says, bye and thanks and all that stuff...the boss says, thanks, stay for some food/drink and i dont....
a few days later, he stops at work and says is daughter is really happy with what i did to her ipad, and i laugh cuz i think it sounds, well, inappropriate. he says that she wanted him to tell her that the things i did to her ipad were awesome, she had never seen anyone that good....i said thanks, and try not to laugh....he asks if its ok if he gives her my number, just in case she needs any ipad help........hee hee....